Stop saying yes to things you hate.
Simple as that.
He says: “Sweetheart, I’m going to happy hour with the guys, so I won’t be home in time for dinner. I realize it’s last minute, is that ok with you?”
Despite having slaved thirty-five minutes to prepare a semi-romantic dinner, more semi than romantic, although had she added two glasses of wine, it could have officially been considered romantic…
She pauses and says, “Sure, Honey, tell the guys I say hi.”
She eats dinner alone, sighs frequently, drinks two glasses of wine and wonders what she’s doing wrong that he is SO inconsiderate ALL the time. Then, she consoles herself by thinking, at least he called to let me know.
The Most Difficult Two Letter Word to Pronounce
The word No has negative connotations. Terrified not to please the other, or that the other person may think badly of us, fear of a potential conflict, or of losing an important opportunity, whatever the reason, we often say ok, when what we would really like to scream is a big, fat, rip-roaring, “NO, YOU CAN’T GO TO HAPPY HOUR WITH YOUR FRIENDS, DINNER IS PRACTICALLY ON THE TABLE!”
But you don’t. You say, “Ok, no problem.”
Then, you let it go by making excuses. By the way, that “it” is a lack of respect towards you, and the more you let “it” go, the more his treatment of you will resemble that of the dreaded doormat.
Saying no, means that others can recognize us for who we are, even when we do not agree with them. Saying no, highlights our needs, and allows others to understand that we are different people with our own needs to consider and respect.
Do you find yourself struggling to say the word NO?
How is it that a little two letter word can create so much difficulty and stress?
Even though it is true that when the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind, for some reason, in relationships, the word no creates many problems. Saying no brings into play a series of negative emotions, oftentimes hard to tolerate. Women often answer yes to everything even when they disagree with what is being said, because they fear that something catastrophic or difficult to handle may occur. Research shows that it is easier to respond with a yes to a request, because to say no creates uncomfortable moments and brings out negative emotions such as guilt, shame, and fear. People sometimes even agree to consent to immoral demands rather than risk the embarrassment of saying no.
Not all women find it difficult to say no. It seems that some have more difficulty than others, depending on the character you have. Eventually, over time, women do learn to appreciate the importance of saying no, because they learn that unless they protect their individuality and needs, they will forever be satisfying the interests of others at the expense of their own.
How to Say No
- Be simple and direct when giving your answer: “Thank you, but I can not.”
- Motivate the answer by referring to external circumstances: “No thanks. I have a prior engagement. I promised I would spend the afternoon with my son.
- Be convincing, but polite: “I prefer to decline, I’m sorry. No, thank you.”
Be Strong and Self-Assured
- Repeat the former phrases in front of the mirror to be ready should the occasion arise.
- Prepare various phrases such as “I’ll think about it” to use when necessary.
- Putting off an answer increases your chance of saying no.
- Sweeten the tone of your voice, so that your No is not offensive.
The next time he wants to stand you up last minute for a rambunctious happy hour with his friends, either prepare your No, or go to plan B: Happy Hour with your girlfriends!
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