Mom’s Lesson of the Day: How to Insert a Tampon with an Applicator


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“That’s great, it starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes, and aeroplanes
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid….

It’s the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone).”

-R.E.M.

About the same time my son asked me to teach him how to use a condom on a banana, my daughter asked me how to insert a tampon. I was tempted to send her to YouTube for a tutorial, but the idea kind of made me vomit. It’s moments like these where you just need to soak your head in a pitcher of sangria and moan.

So, I took her out for sushi. Whenever we have a major, heart to heart, milestone moment in our lives, we deal with it over sushi and always reserve the hidden room. There’s something about having to use chopsticks, and the whole soy sauce, wasabi, ginger mix that lends itself to intense discussions and reflections. She spent the entire meal gossiping about her teen drama, I listened and restrained myself from checking Facebook. She had already banned me from posting any photo on Instagram that remotely suggested I was her Mother. When dessert arrived, I took out an Organyc tampon and placed it on the table.

She eyed it, suspiciously, and said, “Mom, everyone uses tampons, why haven’t you explained the procedure until now?”

Without going into detail about how I was just getting over the fact that she had just gotten her period, much less the idea that she was old enough to use tampons and insert something in her vajayjay, I replied, “You’ll get it when you become a Mother.”
She seemed to accept the reply, so I began the tutorial.


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